This is a post I never imagined having to write. However, I want to be vulnerable with you all who have been so faithful to pray so that over the next few days you can continue to pray for Jordan, myself and our families.
I will start from Tuesday morning February 3rd. I woke up around 8 starting to feeling what I knew to be Braxton Hicks contractions. My uterus was tightening, but I wasn't in any pain. But by 9:00am, it started to feel more uncomfortable than normal. So, I called my nurse in to let her know what was going on and she decided to put me on the monitor. At this point, I wasn't that worried so Jordan left to get ready for work and mom would be walking in right behind him. For about an hour and a half, I was feeling the contractions but they weren't unbearable, so my nurse wanted to keep me on the monitor since she was picking up more than normal. I began to pray, Lord please not now. Liam still needs more time. He is going to be so small. Lord, please stop my contractions. Around 10:30am, she wanted to call my doctor to just let him know what was going on. Thankfully he was in the hospital and was able to stop by my room right after the call. The first thing he did when he walked into the room was look directly at the heart-shaped chain we had hanging on the wall counting down to Feb 13th and our next milestone of 28 weeks. He went ahead and told the nurse to get some medicines to help stop the contractions. Over the last weekend, Jan 30, I actually got another round of steroid shots as a precaution for his lung development. We were all thankful that I had gotten that shot in hopes that Liam's lungs would be able to handle the help they could give him in the NICU.
After my contractions started to become more regular and uncomfortable, we called Jordan immediately and told him to come right back. Praise the Lord that he was in town. He was scheduled to be traveling for 3 days starting Wednesday the 4th. While this was not my ideal time to be showing signs of labor, I am so incredibly thankful that Jordan was not out of town.
Around 11am, the contractions started to pick up and become more painful. I had been hooked up to an IV receiving fluids, magnesium (to help neurological function and hopefully slow down contractions), and penicillin in case of infection. I could tell that my nurse was concerned about how frequently I was contracting. However, they weren't showing up on the monitor as often as I was feeling them, because I was feeling them more in my back. These contractions continued for a couple more hours. By 2pm the contractions were getting so bad and so painful, they started to prepare to take me down for a c-section. This was it. Today was the day we were going to meet our son. Today was going to being a journey in the NICU where our son is going to have to fight for his life.
When the labor and delivery nurse came in, she began to tell me more about the c-section and what all was going to happen. We asked her if she knew our friend and fellow labor and delivery nurse Lauren, who goes to church with my parents and has become a sweet friend through my stay at the hospital. We had her text Lauren that I was going into labor, and she was able to make it to the hospital to help. I was thankful to have a familiar face there.
Getting prepped for the c-section was not easy. I was starting to get sick on my way down to the operating room, and I was still in so much pain when contractions would come. Having to sit still for them to place the spinal was no easy task. Thankfully, they were able to place the spinal and the pain started to go away. Jordan was let into the operating room after they prepped me, and we waited to meet our son. As I waited for them to tell me that Liam had been born, I don't remember a lot of what I was thinking other then "please let his lungs be developed enough, please give him strength to fight."
Liam was born at 3:40pm and weighed 1 pound 12 ounces. He was kicking his legs, probably thankful to be able to move them, and they said he looked good. The NICU doctors were already in there and got him on a ventilator. Before they even left the OR, they could tell he was having trouble on the ventilator so they needed to get him on another one. As they pushed him by me so I could see his face, I will never forget how beautiful he looked. His eyes were wide open and he was so small. I couldn't wait to go and hold his hand and tell him to fight with everything he had in him.
When we got to recovery, I remember being so happy. I was bragging on how big Liam had gotten and that the doctors seemed extremely positive. They said the first week was a crucial week, but if they can get him past a week he should be able to thrive. I hoped with hope I have never had that the Lord would give Liam a good week. Jordan was able to go and see him as they took me to my post-partem room. I was told that as soon as I could get up and sit in a wheelchair that I would get to go meet my son. When Jordan got back, Liam was doing ok. He was keeping his oxygen levels up, but it was going to be a hard week on him.
After not eating all day and the combination of pain meds I was on, it was hard for me to keep anything down. I knew I needed to wait a little longer before going to see Liam. I didn't want to get sick when I was down there or not be able to sit up for very long. So around 7:30pm, I was able to sit up longer and make the trek down to the NICU. At my first sight of him, I was instantly in love. He was so small, yet looked so much like our perfect baby. They informed me that his oxygen levels were a little lower than they would have liked, but they were going to give him some more medicine and turn up the levels on the ventilator. I didn't want to overdo it, so I didn't stay down with him longer than 20 minutes or so. I knew I needed rest, and that if I woke up in the middle of the night, I could come see him whenever I wanted.
Jordan and I finally made it back to our room and wanted to go to sleep as soon as possible. I just wanted to be rested to spend the majority of the day next day at Kosair. At 11:30, we immediately knew something was wrong when Liam's doctor walked into the room and sat on the bed. He told us that the medicine they were giving Liam wasn't helping his lungs the way it was supposed to. He said we had some hard decisions we were going to have to make. Jordan and I called our parents right away to tell them they probably needed to come back to the hospital. As I got off the phone with my mom, I sent her a text simply saying "I'm so scared."
We got down to where Liam was at in the NICU, and I could tell his numbers were much lower than a few hours before. When they have babies on ventilators, they like their oxygen levels to stay in the high 80s and the 90s. Liam's numbers were in the 40s with the ventilator as high as it could go. I just held his sweet hands and begged him to fight. Once my parents arrived, they took us into a private room to discuss our options.
We decided that it was best to not put Liam through more pain and suffering than he needed to be. We would hold him while he was still alive and the doctor would hand pump oxygen for him as long as we wanted him to. Around 12:30, they brought our son into the room all dressed up with a shirt and a sweet handmade hat and blanket. I finally got to hold him and he was perfect. He had my nose, Jordan's hair, hands and feet. I have never felt a love so deep.
We were able to hold him for about 2 hours, then they took out his tubes and cleaned his face. Even more beautiful. Liam lived for about 40 minutes with no assistance. From the very beginning, Liam always had a strong heart so I was not surprised by how long he held on. Our sweet boy went to be with Jesus around 3am on February 4th.
Please do not send flowers. We would like to honor Liam with a donation to the Baptist Health Foundation to support the NICU and other premature babies at Baptist Health Louisville. We are planning to have a small memorial service this week, please pray for our families during this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment