This year has flown by, but at the same time it has crawled. I can't believe this time last year we had the honor of meeting our son, loving on him as he fought for life and holding him as he went to be with his Maker. Carrying Liam for the 26 weeks and 4 days that I was able was the biggest honor I could have ever been given. It was during those 26 weeks that Jordan and I began to learn about how to be good parents, how to fully place our child into God's loving hands and out of our control, and learned how to love each other more through hard times. I look back on those 26 weeks and see a time that propelled me closer to the Lord because He was the only secure thing I had to hold on to.
To be completely honest though, this summer was the darkest time of my life. I wanted to understand the why, how and what's next of the whole situation. However, God does not promise that we will understand all His purposes here on this earth. I do have hope that when I get to Heaven, I will be shown how He used this tragedy for my own good and how His love was shown through it all.
I was told at my doctors appointments after having Liam that because of the type of C-Section I had, I would need to wait 9 months to try to get pregnant again. Back then, that seemed like an eternity. As we grieved the loss of our son (and are still grieving), I knew God had given me the desire for more children. That doesn't mean that I wasn't terrified that it would all happen again, or that we couldn't get pregnant; I had those fears every day. I am so thankful for the group of women that I have met at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) that have walked through this with me and prayed for all those fears. After much prayer, Jordan and I felt as though we should try to get pregnant as soon as we could after those 9 months. It wasn't long before the Lord blessed us with another beating heart. I felt so much peace about the pregnancy and just hoped everything was going to go as smooth as it could this time. However, it wasn't long before Liam's brother or sister joined him in heaven. My heart broke again for the second time in one year.
I truly believe that God did not plan this for my life, but I have faith that He has a purpose. As sweet friend of mine reminded me that pain was not in God's original design for His creation. He never wants us to hurt, but He can use that hurt to bring us closer to Him and proclaim His love to those around us. I recently heard a pastor say "If God didn't give it, you don't have to keep it." I loved this statement. Because there are a lot of things that I struggle with emotionally, that I know God didn't give me. Second Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind." God wants His people to have strength and love to face the trials that He does allow in our lives.
As we celebrate our Liam's 1st birthday today, I know he is getting the best, most over-the-top, better-than-Pinterest-could-ever-do birthday party. He gets to celebrate with the One who created Him.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Sunday, August 30, 2015
the journey we are still on...
William Matthew "Liam" Ellis
A year ago today, this beautiful boy's heart was beating inside of me. A year ago today our lives changed forever. I don't have many words for what this reminder has brought back to memory, but I am going to try.
This year has been one of the best and worst years of my life.
Worst because my son isn't here in my arms or in a rock-n-play as I type. I don't get to hear his giggle, see him smile or rock him in the middle of the night when he can't sleep. I don't get to be a mother by the earthly definition (even though I know I am already a mama). Recently I have discovered this year has been tough because my relationship with the Lord took the back burner. Going to Him in prayer and to His Word was too hard because I was challenged to face hard things that I just didn't want to deal with. I found this hard because I never thought it would be possible for me to feel that way towards God. However, it is very clear in Scripture that even some people struggled and wrestled with the Lord. David wrote many of the psalms working through his anger towards the Lord, Psalm 43 to reference one. But, at the end of that particular Psalm, David comes to a place where he can still praise the Lord.
This year has also been the best year because Jordan and I got to celebrate conceiving a child and telling all of Facebook 12 weeks later! I also meet some pretty incredible people through my 5-week stay in the hospital. But mostly because I really had to evaluate my relationship with God. To be honest with you all, I have struggled with wanting to go to him at all. My thoughts usually end up like "how dare He take my son away from me? and "How can this ever be considered loving and caring for me?" But, God has shown me His grace and has been patient, allowing me to work through all of these emotions.
Lately, God has really been revealing Himself to me in ways I could have never imagined. Jordan and I recently made a difficult move back to Lexington for his job. While this was not my first choice, I can already tell that God came before us and placed us here for a reason (which we don't know yet, but I know God knows). We have made some incredible new friends who have shown us God's love and grace in allowing us to share our grief with them and let them into this part of our lives.
It has taken me a long time to get up the courage to pick up this computer and write again. But, one thing that has encouraged me is a book my dad found for us. It is called "Through the Eyes of a Lion" by Levi Lusko (link to the website if you click on the title). I haven't finished this book yet, but I highly recommend it to every one. He doesn't just write to someone going through what we are going through, but to people as a whole to prepare themselves for when struggles or trials come. There are so many truths that I have already gotten out of this book, I wish I could share them all with you. But one of my favorite things he says is that the weight won't get lighter, but I will get stronger. By allowing Jesus to come into this part of our lives again, He will give Jordan and I the strength to carry this until the day we get to be with Jesus worshiping together with our first born son.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
3-month birthday, From dad
On what would have been Liam's 3-month birthday, I want to honor him through this post. I hope that if you feel lead to, you will help us honor Liam. Daly did a great job of letting you in to her life through her journey, but I admit it was not something I wanted to do. I didn't want to let anyone in or share what was going on.
Liam fought so hard. The doctors said that he shouldn't have been able to breathe at all, yet he fought for 11 hours. He had his dads big hands that would have been great for throwing a curveball or changeup. I would have taught him both.
Liam had a huge impact on the world in his short time with us. He was a fighter and I will keep fighting. He drew me closer to Jesus and for that I am eternally gratefully. He made me a better friend, husband and father.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
There is not a foot too small that cannot leave an imprint on this world. You have changed lives and I hope others are encouraged by the impact that you had in your short time on earth. It is only through the hope that we have in Jesus that we have hope of seeing Liam again. I long for the day when I get to see you in heaven.
Love,
Your dad, William Jordan
Our family and friends have been very supportive to us during this time and we are very grateful. I would like to share with you an opportunity to give to March of Dimes to support research to support premature deaths. Our friends have set up a page for us to honor Liam and you can donate at the link below:
We also had many people ask about the fund that we set up in Liam's honor. I also admit it was too difficult to post this a few months ago. You can donate to the NICU at Baptist Health Louisville through the instructions below.
https://www.supportbaptisthealth.org/louisville/ways-to-give/donate-now.html
"Please make donations to payable to the Baptist Health Foundation and include in memory of William Matthew Ellis"
Sunday, February 15, 2015
2-3-15
This is a post I never imagined having to write. However, I want to be vulnerable with you all who have been so faithful to pray so that over the next few days you can continue to pray for Jordan, myself and our families.
I will start from Tuesday morning February 3rd. I woke up around 8 starting to feeling what I knew to be Braxton Hicks contractions. My uterus was tightening, but I wasn't in any pain. But by 9:00am, it started to feel more uncomfortable than normal. So, I called my nurse in to let her know what was going on and she decided to put me on the monitor. At this point, I wasn't that worried so Jordan left to get ready for work and mom would be walking in right behind him. For about an hour and a half, I was feeling the contractions but they weren't unbearable, so my nurse wanted to keep me on the monitor since she was picking up more than normal. I began to pray, Lord please not now. Liam still needs more time. He is going to be so small. Lord, please stop my contractions. Around 10:30am, she wanted to call my doctor to just let him know what was going on. Thankfully he was in the hospital and was able to stop by my room right after the call. The first thing he did when he walked into the room was look directly at the heart-shaped chain we had hanging on the wall counting down to Feb 13th and our next milestone of 28 weeks. He went ahead and told the nurse to get some medicines to help stop the contractions. Over the last weekend, Jan 30, I actually got another round of steroid shots as a precaution for his lung development. We were all thankful that I had gotten that shot in hopes that Liam's lungs would be able to handle the help they could give him in the NICU.
After my contractions started to become more regular and uncomfortable, we called Jordan immediately and told him to come right back. Praise the Lord that he was in town. He was scheduled to be traveling for 3 days starting Wednesday the 4th. While this was not my ideal time to be showing signs of labor, I am so incredibly thankful that Jordan was not out of town.
Around 11am, the contractions started to pick up and become more painful. I had been hooked up to an IV receiving fluids, magnesium (to help neurological function and hopefully slow down contractions), and penicillin in case of infection. I could tell that my nurse was concerned about how frequently I was contracting. However, they weren't showing up on the monitor as often as I was feeling them, because I was feeling them more in my back. These contractions continued for a couple more hours. By 2pm the contractions were getting so bad and so painful, they started to prepare to take me down for a c-section. This was it. Today was the day we were going to meet our son. Today was going to being a journey in the NICU where our son is going to have to fight for his life.
When the labor and delivery nurse came in, she began to tell me more about the c-section and what all was going to happen. We asked her if she knew our friend and fellow labor and delivery nurse Lauren, who goes to church with my parents and has become a sweet friend through my stay at the hospital. We had her text Lauren that I was going into labor, and she was able to make it to the hospital to help. I was thankful to have a familiar face there.
Getting prepped for the c-section was not easy. I was starting to get sick on my way down to the operating room, and I was still in so much pain when contractions would come. Having to sit still for them to place the spinal was no easy task. Thankfully, they were able to place the spinal and the pain started to go away. Jordan was let into the operating room after they prepped me, and we waited to meet our son. As I waited for them to tell me that Liam had been born, I don't remember a lot of what I was thinking other then "please let his lungs be developed enough, please give him strength to fight."
Liam was born at 3:40pm and weighed 1 pound 12 ounces. He was kicking his legs, probably thankful to be able to move them, and they said he looked good. The NICU doctors were already in there and got him on a ventilator. Before they even left the OR, they could tell he was having trouble on the ventilator so they needed to get him on another one. As they pushed him by me so I could see his face, I will never forget how beautiful he looked. His eyes were wide open and he was so small. I couldn't wait to go and hold his hand and tell him to fight with everything he had in him.
When we got to recovery, I remember being so happy. I was bragging on how big Liam had gotten and that the doctors seemed extremely positive. They said the first week was a crucial week, but if they can get him past a week he should be able to thrive. I hoped with hope I have never had that the Lord would give Liam a good week. Jordan was able to go and see him as they took me to my post-partem room. I was told that as soon as I could get up and sit in a wheelchair that I would get to go meet my son. When Jordan got back, Liam was doing ok. He was keeping his oxygen levels up, but it was going to be a hard week on him.
After not eating all day and the combination of pain meds I was on, it was hard for me to keep anything down. I knew I needed to wait a little longer before going to see Liam. I didn't want to get sick when I was down there or not be able to sit up for very long. So around 7:30pm, I was able to sit up longer and make the trek down to the NICU. At my first sight of him, I was instantly in love. He was so small, yet looked so much like our perfect baby. They informed me that his oxygen levels were a little lower than they would have liked, but they were going to give him some more medicine and turn up the levels on the ventilator. I didn't want to overdo it, so I didn't stay down with him longer than 20 minutes or so. I knew I needed rest, and that if I woke up in the middle of the night, I could come see him whenever I wanted.
Jordan and I finally made it back to our room and wanted to go to sleep as soon as possible. I just wanted to be rested to spend the majority of the day next day at Kosair. At 11:30, we immediately knew something was wrong when Liam's doctor walked into the room and sat on the bed. He told us that the medicine they were giving Liam wasn't helping his lungs the way it was supposed to. He said we had some hard decisions we were going to have to make. Jordan and I called our parents right away to tell them they probably needed to come back to the hospital. As I got off the phone with my mom, I sent her a text simply saying "I'm so scared."
We got down to where Liam was at in the NICU, and I could tell his numbers were much lower than a few hours before. When they have babies on ventilators, they like their oxygen levels to stay in the high 80s and the 90s. Liam's numbers were in the 40s with the ventilator as high as it could go. I just held his sweet hands and begged him to fight. Once my parents arrived, they took us into a private room to discuss our options.
We decided that it was best to not put Liam through more pain and suffering than he needed to be. We would hold him while he was still alive and the doctor would hand pump oxygen for him as long as we wanted him to. Around 12:30, they brought our son into the room all dressed up with a shirt and a sweet handmade hat and blanket. I finally got to hold him and he was perfect. He had my nose, Jordan's hair, hands and feet. I have never felt a love so deep.
We were able to hold him for about 2 hours, then they took out his tubes and cleaned his face. Even more beautiful. Liam lived for about 40 minutes with no assistance. From the very beginning, Liam always had a strong heart so I was not surprised by how long he held on. Our sweet boy went to be with Jesus around 3am on February 4th.
Please do not send flowers. We would like to honor Liam with a donation to the Baptist Health Foundation to support the NICU and other premature babies at Baptist Health Louisville. We are planning to have a small memorial service this week, please pray for our families during this time.
I will start from Tuesday morning February 3rd. I woke up around 8 starting to feeling what I knew to be Braxton Hicks contractions. My uterus was tightening, but I wasn't in any pain. But by 9:00am, it started to feel more uncomfortable than normal. So, I called my nurse in to let her know what was going on and she decided to put me on the monitor. At this point, I wasn't that worried so Jordan left to get ready for work and mom would be walking in right behind him. For about an hour and a half, I was feeling the contractions but they weren't unbearable, so my nurse wanted to keep me on the monitor since she was picking up more than normal. I began to pray, Lord please not now. Liam still needs more time. He is going to be so small. Lord, please stop my contractions. Around 10:30am, she wanted to call my doctor to just let him know what was going on. Thankfully he was in the hospital and was able to stop by my room right after the call. The first thing he did when he walked into the room was look directly at the heart-shaped chain we had hanging on the wall counting down to Feb 13th and our next milestone of 28 weeks. He went ahead and told the nurse to get some medicines to help stop the contractions. Over the last weekend, Jan 30, I actually got another round of steroid shots as a precaution for his lung development. We were all thankful that I had gotten that shot in hopes that Liam's lungs would be able to handle the help they could give him in the NICU.
After my contractions started to become more regular and uncomfortable, we called Jordan immediately and told him to come right back. Praise the Lord that he was in town. He was scheduled to be traveling for 3 days starting Wednesday the 4th. While this was not my ideal time to be showing signs of labor, I am so incredibly thankful that Jordan was not out of town.
Around 11am, the contractions started to pick up and become more painful. I had been hooked up to an IV receiving fluids, magnesium (to help neurological function and hopefully slow down contractions), and penicillin in case of infection. I could tell that my nurse was concerned about how frequently I was contracting. However, they weren't showing up on the monitor as often as I was feeling them, because I was feeling them more in my back. These contractions continued for a couple more hours. By 2pm the contractions were getting so bad and so painful, they started to prepare to take me down for a c-section. This was it. Today was the day we were going to meet our son. Today was going to being a journey in the NICU where our son is going to have to fight for his life.
When the labor and delivery nurse came in, she began to tell me more about the c-section and what all was going to happen. We asked her if she knew our friend and fellow labor and delivery nurse Lauren, who goes to church with my parents and has become a sweet friend through my stay at the hospital. We had her text Lauren that I was going into labor, and she was able to make it to the hospital to help. I was thankful to have a familiar face there.
Getting prepped for the c-section was not easy. I was starting to get sick on my way down to the operating room, and I was still in so much pain when contractions would come. Having to sit still for them to place the spinal was no easy task. Thankfully, they were able to place the spinal and the pain started to go away. Jordan was let into the operating room after they prepped me, and we waited to meet our son. As I waited for them to tell me that Liam had been born, I don't remember a lot of what I was thinking other then "please let his lungs be developed enough, please give him strength to fight."
Liam was born at 3:40pm and weighed 1 pound 12 ounces. He was kicking his legs, probably thankful to be able to move them, and they said he looked good. The NICU doctors were already in there and got him on a ventilator. Before they even left the OR, they could tell he was having trouble on the ventilator so they needed to get him on another one. As they pushed him by me so I could see his face, I will never forget how beautiful he looked. His eyes were wide open and he was so small. I couldn't wait to go and hold his hand and tell him to fight with everything he had in him.
When we got to recovery, I remember being so happy. I was bragging on how big Liam had gotten and that the doctors seemed extremely positive. They said the first week was a crucial week, but if they can get him past a week he should be able to thrive. I hoped with hope I have never had that the Lord would give Liam a good week. Jordan was able to go and see him as they took me to my post-partem room. I was told that as soon as I could get up and sit in a wheelchair that I would get to go meet my son. When Jordan got back, Liam was doing ok. He was keeping his oxygen levels up, but it was going to be a hard week on him.
After not eating all day and the combination of pain meds I was on, it was hard for me to keep anything down. I knew I needed to wait a little longer before going to see Liam. I didn't want to get sick when I was down there or not be able to sit up for very long. So around 7:30pm, I was able to sit up longer and make the trek down to the NICU. At my first sight of him, I was instantly in love. He was so small, yet looked so much like our perfect baby. They informed me that his oxygen levels were a little lower than they would have liked, but they were going to give him some more medicine and turn up the levels on the ventilator. I didn't want to overdo it, so I didn't stay down with him longer than 20 minutes or so. I knew I needed rest, and that if I woke up in the middle of the night, I could come see him whenever I wanted.
Jordan and I finally made it back to our room and wanted to go to sleep as soon as possible. I just wanted to be rested to spend the majority of the day next day at Kosair. At 11:30, we immediately knew something was wrong when Liam's doctor walked into the room and sat on the bed. He told us that the medicine they were giving Liam wasn't helping his lungs the way it was supposed to. He said we had some hard decisions we were going to have to make. Jordan and I called our parents right away to tell them they probably needed to come back to the hospital. As I got off the phone with my mom, I sent her a text simply saying "I'm so scared."
We got down to where Liam was at in the NICU, and I could tell his numbers were much lower than a few hours before. When they have babies on ventilators, they like their oxygen levels to stay in the high 80s and the 90s. Liam's numbers were in the 40s with the ventilator as high as it could go. I just held his sweet hands and begged him to fight. Once my parents arrived, they took us into a private room to discuss our options.
We decided that it was best to not put Liam through more pain and suffering than he needed to be. We would hold him while he was still alive and the doctor would hand pump oxygen for him as long as we wanted him to. Around 12:30, they brought our son into the room all dressed up with a shirt and a sweet handmade hat and blanket. I finally got to hold him and he was perfect. He had my nose, Jordan's hair, hands and feet. I have never felt a love so deep.
We were able to hold him for about 2 hours, then they took out his tubes and cleaned his face. Even more beautiful. Liam lived for about 40 minutes with no assistance. From the very beginning, Liam always had a strong heart so I was not surprised by how long he held on. Our sweet boy went to be with Jesus around 3am on February 4th.
Please do not send flowers. We would like to honor Liam with a donation to the Baptist Health Foundation to support the NICU and other premature babies at Baptist Health Louisville. We are planning to have a small memorial service this week, please pray for our families during this time.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
24 Weeks
(19 days in the hospital)
Eight weeks ago, I had little faith that I would make it to this week. The majority of information that I heard from doctors was that there was little I could do to help my son survive or get to this point of "viability". Viability is loosely defined in the medical world as the point at which they can consider the baby able to survive outside of the womb. So, making it to this day is truly a miracle! When we looked forward to this day 8 weeks ago, we were in a mindset of hope. Hope that we could make it this far and that our baby would grow how he is suppose to. But now that we have reached 24 weeks, we can move out of living in hope and move into living in reality. There is now a better chance that our son will survive when he is born and that is exciting but also scary. Sometimes living in hope is easier than living in the reality of a tough situation. But, I know that God will continue to give me His strength as we enter into this new phase of pregnancy.
Over the last week and a half, there have been some ups and downs. I have had a little more bleeding, and some other pains that have continued to make me thankful to be here in the hospital. Even with all the downs, there have been some pretty good ups. Friday the 9th, was the first ultrasound that I had where I really believed that there was a great chance that our sweet boy was going to be ok. It happened to be my dad's birthday, and he was here eating lunch with me and some family. They hadn't done my ultrasound yet, so I asked the nurse if it was possible for her to squeeze us in before my dad left to go back to work. This was the first time my dad was able to see our boy and it made a great birthday present for him. She started to look around and we saw that he had the hiccups! This is a great sign because it means that his diaphram is working correctly. However, the best part of this ultrasound was that she was able to find a pocket of fluid big enough to measure! This is the first time since my water broke that we have had measurable fluid! Every time they find a pocket, they would like for it to be between 1 and 2 cm deep, and on Friday it was 1.69! Praise the Lord!
The next Monday rolled around and this week I was going to get 3 ultrasounds (which is one more than usual and one more day I get to get up and walk to the ultrasound room...about 20 extra steps more than my walk to the bathroom). To sum up the week a little quicker with my ultrasounds, each time we went in there was always a pocket of fluid to measure, but the size varied each time. Monday I only had 0.5cm, Wednesday there were 2 pockets each measuring 1.0cm and Friday I only had one pocket that measured 1.2cm! Each time we go in, they also look to make sure there is fluid in his stomach and bladder (they are almost always full which is great!). I have been trying hard to not focus so much on the centimeters of fluid that they find, but more so if there is even a pocket to measure. So this week I consider to be a good week fluid wise!
Friday they were able to get some measurements on our boy and he has certainly grown in the last 2 weeks! He now weighs about 1.2 lbs which is equivalent to 528 grams! Even though we have now made it to 24 weeks and weight over 1 lb the next big goal is for me to be able to make it to 26 weeks and for him to get over 2 lbs. The longer this boy can stay inside and growing the better chance of him doing much better outside of the womb.
One of the biggest reasons why making it to 24 weeks was such a big deal was that I would receive a round of steroid shots that will help our boys lungs to grow. Since there is still very little fluid in my uterus, he needs all the help he can get to help those lungs get big and strong. Depending on how much longer until I go into labor, I will get another round or two of shots but that all depends on how much longer he can stay in! These shots really can make the difference in how he will do when he is born, so I am incredibly thankful for all the advances in medicine that make it possible for babies to survive at such a young age.
For the first time in almost 3 weeks, I was able to get out of the wing that I am living on and go for a wheelchair tour through the NICU at Kosair. I was so thankful to be able to get out and see other parts of this hospital, but mostly for getting to see and meet some of the nursing staff that will be caring for our baby. I know that as soon as he is born, he is going to be in some of the best care. We were able to meet and talk to a few of the moms that were there with their little ones and I was so encouraged. Everyone was so sweet to tell me a little about their story and give us some good advice.
On a different note, Jordan and I are still working out some things with sweet boys name, but we have decided on his first name! Our sweet boy will be William Ellis, but we will call him "Liam". So happy to finally be able to call him by name.
Prayer requests:
-Liam's lung development
-More fluid pockets
-My heart. As we get closer and closer to Liam coming into this world, I have just gotten a little more anxious about our future in the NICU and for his health.
-Sleep! I am starting to have some trouble staying asleep, which makes the nights I am here alone pretty hard.
Thank you so much to all those who have prayed that we could make it to this point in our pregnancy. We continue to ask for your prayers as we go day to day from this point on!
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Part 2 with some exciting news!
Sunday night brought some more fear into my mind. Once again, I had another bleeding episode. Except this one was accompanied with what felt to be some cramps. I tried not to think the worst and just tried to sleep and hope the next morning brought better news. However, that was not the case. Monday morning there was even more blood and I immediately thought this could be the end. We had a tough decision to make at that point. Would we go straight to the hospital or go to the new specialists office to get a second opinion? After prayer and talking to Jordan, we decided that it would be best to see the specialist and get his opinion on what all this meant. Because we weren't sure what the outcome of the appointment would be, mom and dad came down with Jordan and I for the appointment.
I was taken back for an ultrasound where they didn't see anything different than what I have seen before. There was still no fluid, but the baby still had a really strong heartbeat and seemed to be doing ok. After that, we were taken to the doctor's office to wait for him there. After our conversation with him Sunday night, I was already at ease because he had already showed more compassion and understanding for my situation. He explained everything we had already heard once again, but in a much more gentle and understanding tone. After explaining to him what had happened the night before and that morning, he thought it would be the best thing to put me in the hospital for bed rest to be constantly monitored. So, we walked right on over to the hospital across the street and into my new home.
This all happened so quickly, but after being here for 8 full days I can honestly say that this has been the best thing that has happened. They take my vitals multiple times a day, they check the baby's heartbeat every morning and night, and I will get an ultrasound 2 times a week. My doctor will stop in and see me and answer questions every day, which is such a comforting thing since things can change so quickly. God has been so incredibly sweet to us by providing some pretty incredible nurses and staff during my stay (I even had one french braid my hair).
I definitely can't say this is going to be an easy thing, but I know this is what I have to do for me and my baby. I have still had some bleeding episodes, but being so close to nurses and doctors that can help and answer my questions has been a blessing. I am so thankful to have a mom who can be here and hang out with me during the day to make them go a little quicker. Its a major bonus having your parents and family live so close when hospital food doesn't sound good or you need to play games instead of watch TV all day. I also have to majorly brag on my husband. He has been such an amazing servant to me and so helpful in making this transition a little easier. He has slept in a reclining chair every night so far and spent so many hours making sure I have everything I need. I am truly blessed to have this man by my side.
I was taken back for an ultrasound where they didn't see anything different than what I have seen before. There was still no fluid, but the baby still had a really strong heartbeat and seemed to be doing ok. After that, we were taken to the doctor's office to wait for him there. After our conversation with him Sunday night, I was already at ease because he had already showed more compassion and understanding for my situation. He explained everything we had already heard once again, but in a much more gentle and understanding tone. After explaining to him what had happened the night before and that morning, he thought it would be the best thing to put me in the hospital for bed rest to be constantly monitored. So, we walked right on over to the hospital across the street and into my new home.
This all happened so quickly, but after being here for 8 full days I can honestly say that this has been the best thing that has happened. They take my vitals multiple times a day, they check the baby's heartbeat every morning and night, and I will get an ultrasound 2 times a week. My doctor will stop in and see me and answer questions every day, which is such a comforting thing since things can change so quickly. God has been so incredibly sweet to us by providing some pretty incredible nurses and staff during my stay (I even had one french braid my hair).
I definitely can't say this is going to be an easy thing, but I know this is what I have to do for me and my baby. I have still had some bleeding episodes, but being so close to nurses and doctors that can help and answer my questions has been a blessing. I am so thankful to have a mom who can be here and hang out with me during the day to make them go a little quicker. Its a major bonus having your parents and family live so close when hospital food doesn't sound good or you need to play games instead of watch TV all day. I also have to majorly brag on my husband. He has been such an amazing servant to me and so helpful in making this transition a little easier. He has slept in a reclining chair every night so far and spent so many hours making sure I have everything I need. I am truly blessed to have this man by my side.
Now for some really good and big news... Jordan and I are excited to announce that sweet baby E is a BOY! We are still working on the name, but we are so excited to welcome our little boy into this world. The best part about the ultrasound yesterday was that my doctor confirmed that there has to be some fluid in my uterus for them to be able to see the gender! It might not be a measurable amount, but it means there is enough for them to tell what we are having. So thank you so much for all your prayers for fluid and continued health for me and our baby boy.
Please continue to pray for us as we are on this new journey. We have a short term goal of making it to 24 weeks, but myself and the doctor would love it if our boy can stay in until Valentines day or even longer! Thank you again to everyone who has been continuously praying for us. I truly believe that God has a bigger plan for our baby!
Friday, January 2, 2015
Part 1...
I am not sure there are many of us who would say they wanted to be like John the Baptist. He lived in the wild, wore camels skin and ate locusts. But, after reading one of the devotions on shereadstruth during this advent season, we should all reconsider wanting to be like John. Not so much in the physical ways he lived, but in his love for his calling and His Lord. Zechariah, John's father, prophesied about John's life in Luke 1:76-77 "And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways, to give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins". John was going to be a "way-paver" for Jesus Christ. The writer of this devotion questions whether John the Baptist ever lamented his calling or wished his could have "passed the torch" to someone else.
After reading this days devotion, I could understand if there were days that John the Baptist wanted pass the torch to someone else. I have had that same feeling many times in the last 2 months. I do not say this to make anyone feel sorry or pity for me, but I do want to let you all in during this hard time. While this pregnancy has not be what I pictured my first pregnancy to be like, I know and believe that God has something bigger planned. A verse my mom has recently been sharing with me has been 2 Cor. 4:18 "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." This verse has come up on more than one occasion in the last two weeks.
Last Monday was my first appointment with a specialist. Jordan had some meetings at work, so mom and I went to this appointment together. I was really looking forward to getting some more information and hoping for a doctor that would help us get to where we needed to be in this pregnancy. I am not going to go into a ton of details about this appointment just to be respectful. But, there was a miscommunication with some of my records not being sent over, and why exactly I was at this appointment. I was being treated like a first time patient and not at all like I have a high risk pregnancy. There were lots of frustrations and we left with a lot more questions that we went in with. However, I was told by the doctor that the least amount of movement and travel the better. So, my modified bed rest became a little more strict. I could still get up and use the restroom, but I didn't need to take any stairs or drive anywhere. Thankfully this news came a day after we were able to travel to Lexington to celebrate Christmas with Jordan's family. We were also able to stay with my parents house over the holidays which was such a blessing. I didn't want to have to miss out on Christmas or worry about having tons of family in our small condo. It was also nice to have some more help since I really couldn't walk around and get things for myself.
After Monday, the following days were pretty uneventful. I would pray every night to just have a few good days during Christmas so that I could enjoy my family and celebrate the coming of our Savior. The Lord was sweet to answer those prayers. But the Friday after Christmas I had an episode of bleeding that was more than I had seen before. I wasn't having any cramps or a fever, so I just laid down in bed and prayed that everything would be ok. Thankfully the bleeding slowed down, but I was still so worried what the next few days had in store. I took it even easier than before the next couple of days and tried to increase my fluids as much as possible.
Throughout the week, Jordan and I looked into getting another specialist's opinion but weren't quite sure where to look. We have some good family friends that knew another specialist here in town and he was able to get the doctors phone number and set up a time for me to call him. So, Sunday afternoon we called the doctor and he wanted me to come in first thing Monday morning.
After this appointment, things were about to change drastically. Part two coming soon with more details about the events following Monday.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers and sweet messages I have received.
After reading this days devotion, I could understand if there were days that John the Baptist wanted pass the torch to someone else. I have had that same feeling many times in the last 2 months. I do not say this to make anyone feel sorry or pity for me, but I do want to let you all in during this hard time. While this pregnancy has not be what I pictured my first pregnancy to be like, I know and believe that God has something bigger planned. A verse my mom has recently been sharing with me has been 2 Cor. 4:18 "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." This verse has come up on more than one occasion in the last two weeks.
Last Monday was my first appointment with a specialist. Jordan had some meetings at work, so mom and I went to this appointment together. I was really looking forward to getting some more information and hoping for a doctor that would help us get to where we needed to be in this pregnancy. I am not going to go into a ton of details about this appointment just to be respectful. But, there was a miscommunication with some of my records not being sent over, and why exactly I was at this appointment. I was being treated like a first time patient and not at all like I have a high risk pregnancy. There were lots of frustrations and we left with a lot more questions that we went in with. However, I was told by the doctor that the least amount of movement and travel the better. So, my modified bed rest became a little more strict. I could still get up and use the restroom, but I didn't need to take any stairs or drive anywhere. Thankfully this news came a day after we were able to travel to Lexington to celebrate Christmas with Jordan's family. We were also able to stay with my parents house over the holidays which was such a blessing. I didn't want to have to miss out on Christmas or worry about having tons of family in our small condo. It was also nice to have some more help since I really couldn't walk around and get things for myself.
After Monday, the following days were pretty uneventful. I would pray every night to just have a few good days during Christmas so that I could enjoy my family and celebrate the coming of our Savior. The Lord was sweet to answer those prayers. But the Friday after Christmas I had an episode of bleeding that was more than I had seen before. I wasn't having any cramps or a fever, so I just laid down in bed and prayed that everything would be ok. Thankfully the bleeding slowed down, but I was still so worried what the next few days had in store. I took it even easier than before the next couple of days and tried to increase my fluids as much as possible.
Throughout the week, Jordan and I looked into getting another specialist's opinion but weren't quite sure where to look. We have some good family friends that knew another specialist here in town and he was able to get the doctors phone number and set up a time for me to call him. So, Sunday afternoon we called the doctor and he wanted me to come in first thing Monday morning.
After this appointment, things were about to change drastically. Part two coming soon with more details about the events following Monday.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers and sweet messages I have received.
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