18 weeks

18 weeks. By this point, I thought I would be deciding a theme for the nursery, picking out our girl or boy clothes and starting our registry. I also thought for sure that people would be able to tell I was pregnant. I know that all those things could still happen; but, my timing just isn’t quite the same as the Lord's perfect timing.


In most pregnancies, there are several milestones in the second trimester.  At sixteen to seventeen weeks you find out the gender, and twenty weeks is the half way point until you get to meet your sweet babe. But for me, each week (sometimes day) is a milestone.  I thank the Lord every day that I don’t see blood, feel pains or have a fever. Each milestone means we are one day closer to this baby being able to survive.


If any of you knew me when I was growing up, you knew I was an emotional little girl (my family can attest to this).  I cried all the time. All the time. About everything. I probably didn't grow out of this until high school. My emotions were how I dealt with any problem or situation. However, as I got older I learned to control these emotions so that they don't come out as often or in the wrong place/time. With the current situation, its not that I haven't been emotional; because that first weekend was pretty rough. But, I definitely have noticed a different strength and peace. A strength and peace that can only come from the Lord. Ten years ago, if you would have told me that this would all happen I probably would have guessed that I would be an emotional wreck. I probably would have not been able to get out of bed. However, because our God gives us what we need in the time that we need it; I have been able to continue living my life with hope and certainty that God has this all under control. I will confess that there are days that I don't always believe that this is going to have a happy ending or I doubt what God is trying to teach me through this. But, when those thoughts come, I combat them with truth. Psalm 139:16 "all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." 
 


Wednesday was one of those days. I woke up from a pretty terrible nights sleep, and just felt the anxiety of going to another appointment and the uncertainties of the day. It was a good thing my appointment was at 11:00 because I don't think I would have been able to make it until later that afternoon. I was so thankful Jordan was here this week and able to go with me to the appointment. This was the appointment where we were supposed to measure the baby and found out the gender. So, it was a little bittersweet knowing there was a chance we wouldn't be able to know the gender but our main concern was that the baby would still have a heartbeat. My name was called and we walked back to the ultrasound room. Susan was scheduled to do my ultrasound again. I am so thankful to have seen her so many times because she is starting to get to know us and is really cheering us on! We were immediately able to find the heartbeat again. This little baby is a fighter. She looked a little surprised when she noticed the babies placement. She asked me if the baby was head down last week, and I said yes. However, the screen was showing the baby head up! Susan was so intrigued by how the baby could have flipped in just a week with no fluid. Once again, evidence that our God is bigger than all of this. She did a more in depth diagnostic study to see how the baby was growing. Everything she measured was in between 17 and 18 weeks which she thought looked very good. The baby weighs about 8 oz. I asked Susan if she could see what the gender was, and she tried really hard. But, with the butt being down and there being no fluid, it wasn't the day where we would get to find out. The last thing she looked for was fluid, and unfortunately there wasn't any in my uterus this week.
 


I left the appointment happy that we made it another week with a living and growing baby, but also discouraged that the fluid that was in there last week was gone.  
Everything within me just wants things to start moving forward at every appointment and not take any steps backward. But, we had to celebrate the fact that the baby still had a strong heartbeat! 

I went to hang out at my parents after the appointment. Not too long after getting home, I went to the bathroom and saw something I haven't seen in close to a month...blood. I immediately called my doctor, and he told me to take it easy the rest of the night, and call him the next day at lunch. I walked around as little as possible, took two Tylenol PMs and went to sleep. I took the following day off work to recuperate and process everything that had gone on the day before. Thankfully, there was no more blood, no fever or pains. My doctor was encouraged by that, but definitely suggested moving as little as possible. So, this weekend in my free time (which is almost all day) you will find me on the couch, watching Christmas movies or Gilmore girls. 

Please continue to pray that the fluid will stay in my uterus and that this sweet baby continues to fight and grow.